This post was adapted from tonyrobbins.com.
There isn’t much in the
world that is more
painful than a broken heart. And
most will say that there’s no
salve but time to take that pain
away. But why are we so quick to
speed through and even negate
the pain? Why do we distract
ourselves from feeling emotions
that can actually help us find
more closure on the love that
has been lost?
Pain is part of life. And while it
is seen by most as something to
be avoided, pain can actually be
a good thing. It opens a well and
presents you with a valuable
opportunity to grow. But it’s
your job to decide what you are
going to fill it up with — love or
fear. And it’s this choice that can
take you to an entirely new
realm of possibilities, because
even if you do not understand
why you lost love, you know that
there is something beautiful that
can come from it. There’s
something more inside of you
because of it.
REALIZATION
While it can be scary to
acknowledge change, you can
find strength by commanding it.
Tell yourself that things will
never be the same. That you will
never be the same. But this is an
opportunity to realize new levels
of opportunity and growth. And
this doesn’t just mean in the
long run.
Realize that you may not be able
to have control over what is
happening, there are certain
things you can control. For
example: your body. When you
take control of your body, the
mind and emotions will
respond. Become emotionally
strong by first getting physically
fit. Put your body first, get into a
peak state, and you will be able
to change your perspective on
pain.
Realize that you also have the
power to feed your mind. You
can dwell in memories of your
relationship and replay the
breakup over and over. Or you
can feed your mind information,
poetry, spirituality. You can use
the pain to discover more about
yourself and what you want in
life.
Realize that pain is a signal to
turn inward. And taking control
of your physicality and your
emotional state is the first step
towards a higher level of self-
discovery and evolution.
CONNECTION
Sadness allows us to connect
with ourselves. As bad as it
feels, we connect. We connect
with our emotions, we connect
with our memories and we
connect with our thoughts. This
is why it is comfortable to stay
in sadness and difficult to
transcend — we are meeting our
need for connection.
The only way out of this is to
have something else you want to
connect with more. You have to
ask yourself, what do you value
more than your pain? Do you
value helping other people
more? Perhaps you value
helping animals? Ask yourself:
“What is the reason I am here?”
By shifting the
focus from
yourself to
something else,
you’ll learn how
to gradually let
go of your pain
and move on.
This is the power
of contribution.
Understanding how to find
meaning out of your pain is a
way to take a broken heart and
turn it into something that will
help you grow and expand your
ability to love. We have to go
through the emotions of shock,
denial, hurt and anger. But
eventually there is acceptance.
And the best way to reach peace
is to find a higher meaning out
of our need to serve others.
UTILIZATION
If you can use your heartache to
find a more empowering
meaning, then you can take that
same experience and say: “I’m
going to take control of my life.
I’m going to make a change.”
Rather than sitting and
becoming a reaction — making
yourself the effect of the event —
you are realizing that you have
the power to determine what
things mean and how you will
approach life from this point
forward.
One of the keys to utilization is
envisioning a compelling future.
What does your new vision look
like? What are you going to be
doing differently in the future?
And what are you going to do
differently today?
Remember, if you don’t take
control and make the necessary
changes, weeds are going to
grow automatically. But if you
learn and adapt, you can achieve
a new level of living that would
have never been possible had
you not gone through the
heartache you did.
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